Joke of the Day
COWS AND POLITICS
: DEMOCRAT:
: You have two cows.
: Your neighbor has none.
: You feel guilty for being successful.
: You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing
you to
: sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then
: take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor.
: You feel righteous.
: Barbara Streisand sings for you.
:
: SOCIALIST:
: You have two cows.
: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
: You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
:
: REPUBLICAN:
: You have two cows.
: Your neighbor has none.
: So?
:
: COMMUNIST:
: You have two cows.
: The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
: You wait in line for hours to get it.
: It is expensive and sour.
:
: CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
: You have two cows.
: You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
:
: DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
: You have two cows.
: The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
support
: a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift
from
: your government.
:
: BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
: You have two cows.
: The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays
you
: for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
:
: AMERICAN CORPORATION:
: You have two cows.
: You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd
one.
: You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
: You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
: You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and
: are reducing expenses.
: Your stock goes up.
:
: FRENCH CORPORATION:
: You have two cows.
: You go on strike because you want three cows.
: You go to lunch.
: Life is good.
:
: JAPANESE CORPORATION:
: You have two cows.
: You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary
cow and
: produce twenty times the milk.
: They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
: Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
:
: GERMAN CORPORATION:
: You have two cows.
: You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
: excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
: Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
:
: ITALIAN CORPORATION:
: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
: While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
: You break for lunch.
: Life is good.
:
: RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
: You have two cows.
: You count them and learn you have five cows.
: You have some more vodka.
: You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
: You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
: You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
: You produce your 10th five year plan in the last three months.
: The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really
have.
:
: TALIBAN CORPORATION:
: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
: You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
private
: parts.
: Then you kill them and claim a U.S. bomb blew them up while they
were
: in the hospital.
:
: POLISH CORPORATION:
: You have two bulls.
: Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
:
: FLORIDA POLITICS:
: You have a black cow and a brown cow.
: Everyone votes for the best looking one.
: Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black
one.
: Some people vote for both.
: Some people vote for neither.
: Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
: Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
: best-looking cow.
Thought of the Day
Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
~Pericles (430 B.C.)
